Foppery: Who's That Guy in the Mirror?

April 27, 2003

Who's That Guy in the Mirror?

Have you ever done something that you'd long dreaded, but when it was finally done, you wished you'd done a long time ago? I did something like that Thursday afternoon.

I cut my hair.

Most of the time when somebody says, "I cut my hair", people think, "Umm.. yeah. And?". But take a look at the obligatory "before" shot (if I look sleepy, it's because I am in this pic):

Or don't. Anyway, as you can see, I had an awful lot of hair. But I was tired of dealing with it. It took me about ten minutes to comb and braid my hair every morning, and I finally decided this was a colossal waste of my time. I'd been wearing my hair long for about ten years, and I'd forgotten what I look like with short hair. So, on a whim, I set up an appointment to get rid of it.

When I went to the salon, I was greeted by a lovely young lady named Jasmine. She led me to a chair and asked me what I wanted. I told her that I wanted to cut all of my hair off, and I showed her a picture of what I wanted it to look like. She took charge of the situation, and started snipping away my braid without warning me. This was probably a good thing, as I didn't have time to chicken out. Much snipping and combing and further snipping ensued. Finally, Jasmine turned me towards the mirror to see what I thought. After a moment where I wasn't quite sure who the fellow in the mirror was, I decided I liked it a lot. This is what it looks like now. And I think it's ultrastupendulous.

I asked Jasmine how I should maintain my new coiffure, and she began to speak to me with an alien vocabulary. Gels? Pomade? Sculpting clay? The only words in my haircare vocabulary have been "shampoo" and "hair tie" for about ten years. This was a bit daunting. However, with Jasmine's help, I was able to figure out what I would need.

Now that I've had my new hair for a couple of days, I've noticed a couple of weird things. I haven't got out of the habit of pulling my braid out of the way. I woul always have to move it when I got in the car or put on a bathrobe. And I keep reaching for it, only to find it isn't there, a sort of phantom ponytail sensation. So far, the best part has been seeing my mom's face when I showed her.

My second favorite thing is watching everyone orbit around me whenever they see me for the first time. They stand in place, their jaws go slack, their eyes bug out, and slowly their heads describe a quarter circle around mine, as they lean in place to look at the back of my head. (No one has ever thought to ask /me/ to turn around). My third favorite thing is the fact that I can now style my hair simply by throwing some pomade in it and driving around with my windows down.

What happened to all the hair, you ask? Well, I'm donating it to Locks of Love. Hopefully, it will make someone else a lot happier than it made me.

Posted by Foptimus Prime at April 27, 2003 01:47 AM

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well, wouldja look at the new GQ?! i'm very impressed you were able to let it go after so long. good decision, mister! though i didn't mind the braid- i think i might like this better...! :)

Posted by: arrancia at April 27, 2003 02:33 AM

Heh heh heh... thanks, Arrancia. I was always scared of cutting it, but now that it's finally short again, I wish I'd done it a long time ago. I genuinely feel ten years younger. I kid you not.

Posted by: Jim at April 27, 2003 02:37 AM

Wow. That's a big change.

It looks good. Welcome to the world of hair gel :)

Posted by: dan at April 27, 2003 03:26 AM

Wow Jim! This means noogies when I see you again!

I remember the first time Cindy dyed my hair a crazy color and the look on your face. Kinda shocked, kinda non-judgemental. Good for you man. I miss and love you.

Michael

Posted by: Lord ViperScorpion at April 27, 2003 06:56 AM

How strange that you should cut your hair off the same weekend that I get a weave and now have hair down to the middle of my back...

Posted by: Frog at April 27, 2003 10:27 AM

sweet do! So what picture did you show Jasmine? My guess is that it was this picture. Uncanny, huh?

Posted by: Greg Coombe at April 27, 2003 10:47 AM

Dan - Thank you! I was pretty excited to buy hair care products other than shampoo, for some reason. I picked up this awesome pomade that smells like butter and citrus, and I picked up a "sculpting glue" that's /Voodoo Blue/ for special occasions. :)

LVS - I loved the accents in your hair! Especially the magenta. I almost had Jasmine do some for me, and then I found the aforementioned sculpting glue which costs a lot less and washes out in a couple of days. Love and miss you too.

Frog - I have to see a picture of that! To think, if you'd only waited a couple of days, I could have just mailed you my hair. :)

Greg - believe it or not, I actually showed her a picture of Colin Farrell from this month's "Details", but the moment she turned the chair around, I thought, "Whoa. I'm John Cusack in 'Say Anything'". Which is a big aesthetic improvement from John Cusack in "Being John Malkovich", which is pretty much where I was before. ;)

Posted by: Jim at April 27, 2003 01:46 PM

I don't know Jim. Being John Malcovich is definately the better film. Sometimes you have to choose poetic resonance over style when choosing your Cusak dos (sp?).

Posted by: Lord VipersScorpion at April 27, 2003 04:24 PM

LVS: is not "Say Anything" itself a cherished ballad of youth? Does this not have resonance with Jim's present desire to project in his image the strength and vitality of the young stallion within?

The new do also relocates Jim frighteningly close to the border of responsible, professional, upwardly mobile bachelors. It would take but a gentle breeze to blow away what remains of the old butt rocker who was Jim.

Posted by: Chris at April 27, 2003 05:25 PM

We have a history together, a history we might appreciate and might not, but I'll tell you this now -- tu estas caliente, hombre.

;-)

Posted by: Layne at April 27, 2003 08:29 PM

That's Rich.

Posted by: lcr at April 27, 2003 09:55 PM

LVS - While I agree with you that Being John Malkovich is a better movie than Say Anything, I think it's better for me to emulate Lloyd Dobler than Craig Schwartz from a purely aesthetic standpoint. Plus, from a poetic resonance standpoint, I think I'm closer to a would-be kickboxer than a creepy puppeteer (at least I hope so). ;)

Chris - while I definitely look more respectable, I rock just as much as I ever did. To paraphrase our friend Carl, "I don't need no haircut to know how to rock!"

Layne - muchas gracias. ;)

LCR - Egad. I hope not. Not yet anyway.

p.s. Am I the only one who looks at the "before" picture of me and sees Geddy Lee?

Posted by: Jim at April 28, 2003 02:38 AM

I'm late, as usual. But Jim, you look fantastic. I always knew you were this hot. Old predictions will surely come true: we are going to sleep together. Probably out by Parley P. Pratt with three gallons of blue stuff and some roast chicken potato chips.

Or perhaps your metamorphosis will mark a change in our lives so that we're not compelled to do that sort of thing anymore.

As you can imagine, I wholly endorse your decision. I hope you enjoy rediscovering your head as much as I did.

Posted by: Dave at April 28, 2003 11:47 AM

When you guys get ready to go out and sleep together, please remember not to invite me to tag along because that would be even more awkward than usual with you guys.

Posted by: Chris at April 28, 2003 03:56 PM

The blogging is large!

Posted by: Chris at April 28, 2003 07:52 PM

Jim, I'd like to point out that your Geddy Lee link leaves me in the same position of Geddy-Lee-naivete that was in before I clicked.

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Awe.... hmm...*sniff* *boggle* (tear drops slowly down her cheek) "Why..."

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